Mr Lecturer: Perhaps it was 'perhaps'

Gosh, it's already past seven in the morning. I thought yawning deeply as I rolled from side to side.

10-minute morning prayers.

I grabbed a yellow 25-litter container and walked briskly to the borehole.

The boreholes at Kanturu were all alike - mechanical contraptions that over-obeyed the law of physics: to get one litter of water, one had to spend  'more than one litter' of muscular energy. Crok-crak-crok the pump kept sounding as I pushed the hand lever down and pulled it up repeatedly to suck out the water from generous mother earth - oh the wonders of God, his ways past finding out.

"Corper Uk - good morning sir."
"Hi - good morning."

I responded in between yawns to a student. I had slept late typing out my blog post the night before, and so I had a modest sleep debt. Very soon, however, I was singing merrily in the bathroom and rehearsing the Chemistry lecture I was to have by 8:00am.

Chemistry was my best subject in Secondary school, and I thought it a good coincidence that I had been asked to teach it. This was going to be my first class with the SS2 students and I hoped they loved Chemistry too.

The s-block elements of the periodic table are called metals, and the properties of the elements are a periodic function of their atomic numbers....I thought on... as I scrubbed myself in the bathtub. Yes - you're right, my room in Kanturu had a bathtub.

Soon I was out of the Whitehouse - my euphemism for bathroom - and was fully dressed.
I poured out some garri into a large blue cup, dressed it up with some ovaltine, added a cube of sugar, and made it up with pure water. While I put on my shoes, I interrupted myself with heavily loaded spoons of the garri-um sulphate and munched it happily. That was, I figured, the quickest breakfast I could afford if I wasn't gonna run late for my first class in Kanturu. Actually, NYSC didn't pay me for the first month, so, I was flat broke … more on that later.

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A boring 35 minute assembly holds at school and I'm thinking, "why didn't I just relax and boil some noodles instead."
The assembly is soon over and I rush into the class - eager to evacuate all the things in my brain that are screaming and shouting for expression.

I go bombard una with Chemistry today.

"Chemistry students - please come forward and - "
"Goooood morning sir." The whole students rise and mumble - interrupting my orders.
"Yea good morning - I want to see only Chemistry students in this class. The rest of you can excuse us."

The students delay, and take their time to leave. It's too bad I didn't come with a cane. Kai, teaching can be stress, particularly when the 'taught' are prepubescent and pubescent adolescents who are having their first experience of maturity and hormone activity. I bear it patiently.

My students are finally settled in the front row of the class, so our classes begin.

"You - what is your name?"
"Moyinoluwa." The student replies.
"Clean the board."

While she does that, I try to introduce myself to the eight students offering Chemistry.
"I am Corper Uk and I will be teaching Chemistry. Tell me your names, starting from you - " I point at a student.
"My name is Tobi Adeniyi -"
"My name is Olamide Adeoye -"

The introductions continue and I hear a student whisper to another "Olowo ni corper yi o! (you should ask a Yoruba friend for the interpretation cos I won't say)" I laugh in my mind - if only this student knows what I had for breakfast, she won't say such.

Very soon, however, I make my first mistake.

"How many of you like Chemistry," I ask, "raise your hands."

The class bursts into laughter.

With a loud voice I say, "I will not tolerate such indecorous tendencies in my class. You must laugh only when I say so. Do you understand?"

"Yes Sir!" The students chorus silently.

Immediately, the class grows cold and no student tries to talk. Even when I ask a question all I get are stares and blank faces.

[Perhaps it was the grammar and vocabulary I unleashed on the students, perhaps it was the loudness of my voice, perhaps it was my instruction to stop laughing, perhaps it was 'perhaps'. I can never tell, but one thing is sure: from that time forward, till now, my Chemistry class has never been the same. All I see are straight faces and blank expressions. Stay Tuned.]

How do you suggest I 'revive' my class?

DEAR Reader,
Pardon my posting inconsistencies - I repent unreservedly. We should sail smoothly from now on. *winks*

Below are some of my dear students. Aren't they cute? You bet.