CORPER SHUN

We sat on plastic seats arranged in a circular manner, west of the parade ground. The morning air was cold and the sun was just rising in the horizon. Although the dusty ground beneath us was dry, it seemed to emit a cool wave that calmed our sore heels. Everywhere looked grey; that transient look that sets when dusk gives way – gradually – to dawn. It was the second drama meeting of my platoon.

“Are we all with our –”
“Director! Chris! When we go start?” A dark guy cut in.
Chris pointing at him. “We don start now - When una we dey dia dey make noise. Ehen! Are we all with our scripts?”  
Shifting seats and side talk.
“Please bring out your scripts.”
“I don’t have a script – I’m just joining.” I said raising my hand.
“Share with others – your welcome.”
And that was my modest introduction to the drama team of my platoon.

Rehearsals began in earnest. A scene of the drama captured perfectly our daily early morning drills. It went thus:

Sergeant Kabiru: Cofer ap in three’s. One, two, three [He says pointing at spots on the ground].
Paraders: Yes sir!
Sergeant Kabiru: I dey crase? I said cofer ap in three’s [He paces around the squad].
[Akpos stands straight but begins to fumble and get out of line.]
Sergeant Kabiru: You! You chop monki? On my farade? Kai! [He points at Akpos].
Akpos: Sorry sir.
Sergeant Kabiru: Sorry for yasef. If I handle you –
[Sergeant Kabiru faces the entire parade]
Sergeant Kabiru: PRAID! PRAID-TION!
Paraders: Punch!
Sergeant Kabiru: Look at me all af you. When I say, “Attention by number – squad one”! You will shout “One” and raise ya right leg! When I say, “Squad two” you bang ya leg and shout “two”. You bang am. You understand? [He demonstrates].
Paraders: Yes Sir.
[He calls out the commands and we comply. A fat female corp bangs her left leg instead and misses the command]
Sergeant Kabiru: Mama! Mama! Den say make your pikin come – you tok se na you go come – abi? Don’t try me. Don’t spoil my farade.
Lady Corps Member: Sorry sir.
Sergeant Kabiru: You better be. ATTENTION!
[We respond to the call]
Sergeant Kabiru: Bang ya leg. I say bang am. Na gofment giv you shoe so bang ya leg.

It was a very funny scene. I was part of the paraders and I couldn’t help laughing while on stage – which was in the centre of our group. We were sure to win gold in the drama contest. Second week of camp was an ascent to a peak – experientially – for most corps members. The first week had passed slowly; mainly because we wished it to pass quickly. By now, the drills had subsided and other activities had taken over. It was all about competition. Platoons competed for gold from camp cleaning to cooking to sports to pageants to drama and even attendance. It was all a contest and I was benignly irritated. It was plainly obvious that it just a ploy to motivate us - although, many still fell for it and worked themselves to an unnecessary extreme. To me, purpose is the ideal motivator - not competition. Someone once said, “…but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.”

I was happy I joined the drama team. While there, I made a few good friends one of which was Ebuka. He introduced himself as a graduate of the University of Nigeria, Nsuka. He told me about his final year research work – that he had developed a novel mathematical scheme that could solve an n-th order Regression Analysis. He was a smart dude and I liked him for that. I also met Mercy; we were on cast together as paraders – space fillers! She was quite reserved initially but later told me she had plans to do an MSc after National service and become a lecturer in mass communication. I was impressed. I didn’t invest much energy into forming friendships on camp. I was largely reserved. After all, I thought, “we’d just be here for three weeks and then we’d probably never see throughout the service year.”

Actually, I joined the drama team as a second choice. I couldn’t make the final parade team that was to represent my platoon in the march past. The drills for the parade were as stressful as they were side-splitting. At the beginning, the parade commander for the platoon was to be chosen and the military officer requested for volunteers. A dark boy raised his hand and the soldier beckoned him out:

“You! Come out.” The soldier called.
“Ok sir!” The guy responded as he found his way to the front of the formation and faced us.
“When you command you go project ya voice! Project ya voice – you hear!”
He nodded affirmative.
“EVERYBODY STAND AT ATTENTION” He called out with a small smile on his face.
“You think we are joking here?” Is that a command?”
Laughter.

“Go back” The soldier barked at him.
“Any one else?”
Raising my hand hesitantly.
“Come and try.”
I walked out semi-confidently. Hmm! Have I made the right decision? I hope I don’t mess up. But that guy ought to have done better. Really.
My thoughts ran.

“PRAID-PRAID SHUN!” I called. (Praid shun is the military pronunciation of the phrase “Parade Attention”)
“ATTENTION BY NUMBER! SQUAD ONE”
Thereafter I went blank. The corps members’ legs were still in mid-air and there I stood with a debilitating – howbeit – temporary amnesia.
“RELAX!” I shouted.
“See ya head.” The soldier shouted back.
“You think se na ya room you dey?”
Head bowed and shoulders hunched, I walked back to my position on the squad cheered with laughter.

Drama obviously was better. At least I could seat down unlike the parade drills where one had to stand forever.
After the rehearsals, I caught up with Patrick and we left the parade ground for the hostels. As we strolled along the only major road on camp, I took time to observe the mammy market. I’d talk more about it in the next episode.

OLD SOLDIER (UKEMEOBONG OWOH)
Left Right and Left and Right
Beneath the sun and in the rain
I bounced young legs to rolling drums

Left Right and Left and Right
My elbows locked and ankle tight
I marked my time on dusty ground

Left Right and Left and Right
My muscles old and hair now grey
I fight to keep my youthful pace

Left Right and Left and Right
I’ll keep my watch till very end
And stay on post though battle rage

Left Right and Left and Right
You ought to do the very same
To run the race and win a crown
 
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